I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
