i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
