Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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