Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
