she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
