I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
