the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
