Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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