Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
bring money and cleavage
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
