People in love make me want to vomit
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize