but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
