so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
