I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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