Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
