So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
