I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I supernannyed him into submission
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
