Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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