i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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