I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have grass duct taped all over my body
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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