We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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