kristin has been a bad kristin
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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