remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
