wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
