I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
