Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
