champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
