This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
