I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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