i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
