Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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