So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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