I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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