It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
