Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Randomize
