We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
