just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
