I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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