I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize