Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
why is half of my head shaved?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
