i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
