i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
