So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
