dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
