remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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