you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
