I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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