Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
