Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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