i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
