She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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