I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
