This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize