And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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