After last night, I could never be a politician.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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