Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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