Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
