I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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