I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
