and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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