I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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