i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
