So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
