Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Randomize
