margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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