Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
