Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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