I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
