This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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