This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
