Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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