Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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