im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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