my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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