Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
