I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize