Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
