the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
