If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
