I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
