i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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