And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
