New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You're a waste of cheezeits
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
