Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
