First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I should be sponsored by Trojan
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
