She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
