Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
