I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
