is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
