I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
