Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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