glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
