This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
