bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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