Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
