I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
