Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
