sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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