I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
