The maid of honor just puked.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
