I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My penis needs a shock collar
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
