I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
