if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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