I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
