yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
