Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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