Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
