Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Me too!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize