im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
ttyl tear gas
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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