The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
