Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
