Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
