WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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