It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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