She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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