it was like his penis was on wheels.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
