There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
