I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize