I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
