DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
